dont panic

Hustler

This video is so fucking hot!!!

the softer world this week is wonderful. you need to check it out. its me basicly.

Im here. Im in L.A. Im having a lot of fun. The last few days have been a blur. Last night was the first time id gotten a full night sleep in 3 days. When i got here i had only slept 6 hours out of 48. And really wanted to take a nap before we did anything, and I got a little one in, but it was tough to fit in. I got here and colleen picked me up from the airport and we just sat and talked for hours, and hours. Talking about nothing and everything. It was wonderful.

Last night we went down to Santa Monica and cruised the pier and all that. There were street performers, shops, crazy homeless people and everything you expect in LA.

Im having fun here but i miss:
Mountains
Trees (palms arnt trees)
Rain and clouds (yes i actually miss these things)
My Bike
Public Transit
Not ever having to drive
Portland in general.

I couldnt stay in LA for more than a week or i would go crazy.

its almost 130 and im still up. why?

because ive got to be on a the max in 4 hours to make it to the airport in time and im still up packing and doing laundry.  but tonight was awesome!!!!

Adam was singing in the opera and got me tickets to see him tonight.  It was amazing.  I thought that working at the craterian gave me a great chance to see some good shows, but that was nothing compared to this.  A huge auditorium, an amazing set and an even better performance.   Wonderful.  After we went out for a beer and I didnt get home until about 1130.  So im still up.  Laundry will be done in about half an hour then its off to bed for a couple hours of sleep before im off on a jet plane.  I cant wait.

I get to see colleen in person for the first time in 3 months.  Thats the most exciting thing about this trip.  no matter what happens she will always be that one person that i will always see as the most amazing person in the world.

oh gosh, bens cat is in heat and she is so fucking annoying right now.  you dont even know.  damn that pussy is horny.  anyways.

work is good.  today after a long battle with my group i figured out how to deal with them.  I just have to be stern.  I have been trying out different methods with them over the last week and i think i finally found out what will work.  Stern when they are bad and their friend when they are good, but still stern, i cant let go of that.

Tomorrow after work im going to the Opera.  Adam Tracy is singing in it and im very excited to see him.  It is the Flying Dutchman.  Ive never been to the opera before, im a little nervous.  I will just have to have a few drinks before I go.

On friday i leave.  Thats also very very exciting.

last night a friend described me in a way i had never heard before.  She said that i was “a perfect mess” and reassured me that that was a positive thing.  Im starting to agree with that statement.  I accept that im a mess.  I live a messy life, just look at my house and my room.  Im 23 still in school and have a long time till I will be done.  Nothing amazing has happened to my life to make it not a mess.  But at the same time im very happy with all of these things.  They all fit together to make me who I am.  I just thought of it as a great way to think of me and myself.

I had my first final as a Portland State University student this morning.  I started to study for it last night but couldnt remain focused, even after several cups of coffee so Ben and I just sat in his room discussing life and relationships and what not, finishing off the remainder of whiskey from saturday.  As far as roommates go i could have found a better person to share my living space with.  We never get upset at each other.  If we have a problem we make it known and both parties do their best to better the situation.

This morning i also finished ‘The restaurant at the end of the universe’.   I enjoyed it.  Not too much happened in the story, but it was still good.  The ending was abrupt but left you wanting to read the next chapter.  Only 3 more to go in the ‘trilogy’.

no one likes to be let down.

oh what a weekend.  I have had so much fun.  Yesterday was of course St. Patricks day and I partied in he fashion that St. Patrick would have been proud of.  The weather was absolutely amazing and we took advantage of it.  Early in the afternoon people from the complex slowly stared coming out and sitting on the front lawn.  Beer was brought out quickly thereafter and we had a great afternoon.

There was a party over at Kurt and Alisons starting around 4.  We ended up at the Holocene.  That place is so freaking cool.  A brand new environment for dan.  It was a hipster dance club.  There was a dj playing some really good songs.  They even handed out instruments to a percussion instruments to the audience to play along with.  Really cool.
By the time the day was over i had been drinking for 14 hours straight and was still going.

Today i went to a really big anti war protest and march downtown.  There were tons and tons of people there. No statistics yet but they were expecting 20,000 people.  I would say there were more than that.  It was almost all peaceful.  There were people giving speeches on their experiences with and in the war.  Then we went for a march around town.  It was soo cool to see downtown almost completely shut down for all of  us in the street.  It is these peaceful protests that will get the support that needs to come for our troops to come home.  I guess there was later a stand off between police and protesters.  It was not violent and from what i hear the police were the ones to stand down.

I had the best weekend ever.  so much stuff happened and so much to do.

Some conversations you have with people are just amazing.  Nothing in particular about the conversation but you both get lost into it, smiles on your face, or maybe not depending on the topic.  But a conversation that you think about for days after.  A conversation so good that you are afraid to talk to that person again in fear that it will never measure up.

Surprisingly I am in that situation with two people right now.  both of those people mean a lot to me and I desperately want to talk to them again but am afraid.  Do you ever have that feeling?

Last night was so much fun.  I was once again going to go downtown and listen to Ben read some poetry but ended up at the Horse Brass instead.  A wonderful bar with an amazing beer selection.  After the horse brass we went back to Saucys house and hung out there for awhile, then the rest of the boys went out to another bar and i came home, didnt feel the gay bar vibe last night.  There was this guy mike that was hanging out with us last night.  I had met him once before and we clicked really well.  He reminds me of someone i cant place and he said I was just like his old best friend.  Maybe ive made another good friend.  We will see.

I will be in sunny southern california in on week from right now!!!

have you seen the commercial for pedigree.  the sad one with the dog in a kenel.  it makes me want a dog so fucking bad.  I know that right now I could not afford a dog.  I think I am home enough, and have the time, but could not have one as they are not allowed in our complex and we have cats, but i still want a dog so fucking bad.

the dog in the commercial is so cute, i would give him a wonderful home if I was able to.

Do you have a dog?

why am i still up at 2 am on a school night and sober? there is only one answer to that question and it is dead week.  Yes this week is dead week and im last minute writing a paper.  I was gonna get started on it exactly a week ago and collected all of my data for my research but didnt actually start reading any of the data until tonight.  Luckily I was destined to pick amazing articles that I ended up actually being interested in and was able to write a bunch from them without getting majorly stuck or frustrated.

So here I am four hours into this project, it is due tommorow at 2pm, only twelve hours away, and I have a little more than a page left to write plus revisions and editing and I think at this point my brain is useless.  Im beginning to crash.  I started this ordeal off with a quickly drank pot of coffee and am just now beginning to come down from it.  I think that im a prime candidate for adderol or  similarly equivalent drugs as I can only function and remain focused when there are staggering amounts of caffeine in my bloodstream.

goodnight blog, goodnight paper, goodnight moon, i will finish you all in the morning.

Today was my first day at work.  I havnt worked since i got here, a whole 2.5 months.  Thats a long time to not work and live off of savings, but I did it and really enjoyed not working but always felt like something was missing.  I started today at an afterschool program.  It is at an elementary school just up the road.  Its what I love to do.  The program seems a lot more chaotic than my last gig, but I think i can rope some of the kids in and at least get my group behaving how I want.  They are going to be putting me with the third graders.
I have a bit more responsibility than my last school as well.  I have to plan an activity every day.  At jewett i only had to plan activities when it was last minute and I usually just threw something together.  This is a little more organized on that end and should be really nice.

P.s.  check out the band American Football.  I just started to listen to them and they are really good.  Very much like Deathcab or something similar.  A post rock emo band, but i hate the term Emo.  Check them out.

I bought my tickets to Explosions in the Sky the other night!!! So so so exciting.  I cant wait.