dont panic

i was just chatting with an old friend from my days at Oregon Tech.  She just finished up with her degree and is getting a nice job with huge pay and will be living in Portland with her boyfriend Trent who was also a good friend of mine.  I used to frequent their house as much as i do the "Boys House" now. 
When i was at tech i was part of the television station on campus known as Oregon Technical Broadcasting.  It was a lot of fun, we put together a sketch comedy show 2 times a term.  I had a job working there, spent most of my time working on projects and stuff.  We also had a once weekly live news/talk show.  Tonight is the final episode ever.  With Sheri graduating, and all of the other founders of OTB out of school there will be no  'After Dinner Show'.  This is sad.

this week at work was cool in the fact that i only worked 4 days, but they were 4 10s.  They would have been cool if it was a busy shift.  It would have been cool if i had more than one fucking customer a day.  The company i work for just opened up another store in phoenix.  We dont even have a sign.  Us being open is ridiculous.  I cant bring a book, i cant cruise the net, i cant do anything but stand there and try to at least look busy.  I cant even sit down.  I stand behind a desk for 10 hours waiting for customers to show up to our store that the public has no idea exists.  We have sold 2 phones in 5 days.  We have done nothing but loose money.  I have done nothing but stand there.  Yesterday i changed it up a bit and paced the store all day long.  It is brand new, there is nothing to clean, nothing to organize, no customers means nothing to fix, no problem solving.  I do nothing all day long and i hate it.  I just got my scheduale for next week and its the same thing.  IM GONNA GO POSTAL.

The first time i ever smoked anything it was a flavored cigar. It was camping with Ben and Liz when i was 19. I didnt like it much at all and only took a couple of puff off of it before i got tired of it. I didnt smoke again for over a year. It was the October after that. It was one of the first times i got high and my friend Leif had a pack of cloves. I smoked about half of it and I got a huge head rush from it. I carried it for awhile and eventually finished it. Trent, Leif I and were walking to Safeway, where we ended up spending a long time picking out candy and which type of bottled water we wanted.
After that I decided that I liked cloves. I found out that Lauren smoked cloves as well and we started a routine. This didnt really start till a few months after the initial clove. I got home from school and started hanging out with Lauren a lot. We would go to the park here in Central Point and smoke cloves after work and at night on the weekends. Just sit and smoke and talk. I didnt consider myself a smoker at that point. It was only occasionally.
I dont remember when is started smoking cigarettes but I liked those better. I still smoked cloves with Lauren. I started smoking regularly during a break-up with a girl. I remember that pack that started it. Shortly after that I started frequenting the bars and it became a full blown habit by then. I was 21 when I really started smoking.

I havnt posted in awhile. thats because there isnt much going on. work, life, thats about it. I quit old navy. Im finally done. 2 years there was enough. Colleen and i are on the up. things were looking bad for a bit but they are getting better.

Top albums in rotation right now:

Built to Spill – Theres nothing wrong with love
Black Heart Procession – Amor del Tropico
The Mountain Goats – The Sunset Tree
Wrens – Meadowlands
Sonic Youth – Dirty
Sonic Youth – Experemental Jet Set, Trash and No Star
Pinback – Blue Screen Life
Pixies – Surfer Rosa
Pixies – Doolittle
Explosions in the Sky – Full Discography
Sublime – 40oz to Freedom
To: Elliott From: Portland – a compliation of covers of mostly portland bands
Penn Jillettes Radio show on podcast

i just wrote what i think was a really good blog, but something fucked up and now its not there. so now we are all without it because i dont feel like re typing it. nothing is ever as good as it is the first time.

Work today was long.  All i can think about all day every day is moving.  Its still really far off, but thats all i can think about.  I ended up going to lunch just over 2 hours after when i was supposed to go because i got busy.  I was getting ready to leave and helped a customer and ended up being with them for at least an hour.

I got to see Colleen this week.  She stayed over 2 nights this week and it was great.  We spent most of wednesday together but spent it running errands.  I wish we could have time together that wasnt spent doing day to day stuff and we could just go have fun.  we havnt done that in awhile.  After that we went out to Ashland for sushi but never ended up eating.  We walked through the park and got something to drink.  It was a lot of fun.

explosions in the sky is one of the greatest bands of all time 

i finally get to see Colleen tonight, and it can not come soon enough.  Shes just getting ready to leave portland now and will be home this afternoon, but has to work at 4.  I get off around 7 and will rush over to redrock to see her.  I can not wait.

I need to go to the beach.  I need to get out of this town.  I need to leave.  I want to move so bad.  It is all i think about.  In a way i just want to pick a random city and move there and see what happens.  Save up enough money that i could get a place and live until i found a job.  That would be ideal.  Go uncharted and make the best of it.  Maybe i just need a vacation.  Im thinking of going to the coast on wednesday.  If Colleen has the day off that is definatly something we need to do.  The weather is perfect outside for the coast, its not sunny, theres a slight breeze and the air smells like its going to rain.
"you are the smell before rain"

i need to clean my room.  and get ready for work, and eat some breakfast.  I dont feel like doing all of those things.  Im really lazy.  I need to be less lazy.

Tonight there is a party.  I dont know if i want to go.  I might just stay at home.  I know its friday night but its my tuesday.  I dont really feel like going.  I might after work, we will see.

Work has been really slow lately and its getting to me.  When I was hired they told me it was a really busy job and there was always a lot going on.   WRONG!! i spend most of my day cleaning or reading reviews of phones online.  Not working with people.  OH well.  Plus ive decided that i hate selling people stuff.  I dont want to make them spend money they might not have. 

I wish that my car had 4 wheel drive, or was not low to the ground.  Ive been going up to Johns Peak lately and want to be able to go further up.  Oh well, not gonna happen.

Im kinda stuck babysitting Rudy today.  I want to just leave him in the kitchen where he belongs but when i come to my room i can hear him crying.

Colleen left today for Portland.  She will be back on monday.  She has graduation on saturday.  She really needs this time off.  I happy for her.  True we need some more time together, but she needs this time to herself.  To be with her friends and have fun.  I miss her terribly.  Shes only got 2 or 3 weeks left at the mill then shes down to just one job.  I cant wait to be able to see her again.

carpe diem